Ice Veins
by Gael Grimm
Summary: Aisling has had a difficult life, but one she was breed for. Now under the scorned eye of Windhelm's Jarl she will try to build a new life, or fall back into the old one. Rated M for language, future violence, and suggested situations. Please R&R. Disclaimer: I don't own anything originally from Bethesda. Enjoy!
1. Back to the Beast

Windhelm was a white, frozen city; one of the coldest in Skyrim, a Nord land legendary for its wintery climates. Aisling Gray-mane stood at the city's gates and regained her barrings. It had been almost a year since her last visit when she had been named Thane and received a house in the city. The last nine months of her life had been dedicated to being Galmor Stonefist's second and the mission to expand the Jarl Stormcloak's holdings for their rebellion. The day was particularly chilly and she made her way into the shop district. Elves and humans alike peddled their trade in this hold and Aisling's gold lit her pocket aflame. Browsing she was ensnared by a display of vegetables in one booth while another by The White Phial, the town apothecary, enticed her with meats and mead. She adjusted her semi-full pack and . approached the meat vender, a slightly built Dunmer, whom she did not recognize .

"Two beef and a venison please; as well as four spiced mead, and a bottle of alto wine. Oh! Two pheasants also, please." She added pulling out her purse.

"My dear that is quite a bit." he commented whilst gathering her requests.

"I've been away quite awhile."

"The rebellion seems to do that to many people, freedom is a just cause though. 35 gold pieces please." He said smiling.

"There must be more here than that?" she questioned.

"Call it a soldier's discount. I can't fight n account of my knee, so I help those that can."

"How do you know I'm a soldier?"

"It's in your eyes, your stance, stride. It shows in many ways."

"Then you must know I will pay you no less than what your good are worth." She reached over and handed him a hundred gold pieces. "Consider the rest a gift from your Thane for your loyalty." She smiled and watched his face redden.

"Thank you my Thane."

"Please call me Aisling." She said as they bowed to one another and she moved on.

The Nord woman from whom she bought her vegetables was crass and short spoken so she received her things without much conversation and was glad to leave for home, her pack fully laden.

She had grown to like Windhlem more than her previous home; it was for that reason, among others, she had sold her things in Markarth and decided to only live here. Hjerim's rooms were dark when she arrived so she arrived so she quickly stored her belongings and left again to speak to Galmor concerning her recent summons to the Palace of Kings. She cut around through the market too void the cemetery; she had seen enough brothers die before her arrival she wanted no reminder of the dead. The was a pang of loss that struck her deeply but subsided quickly so she did not examine it to thoroughly. When she arrived at the Palace of Kings the guards allowed her immediate entrance, after she presented her ring bearing the sigil of Windhelm's Thane.

The Jarl's receiving hall was vast and cavernous in fact the entire place brought to mind a bear's cave, full of large high ceiling rooms and wide tunneling halls. Which made a strange kind of connection to the bear the flag bore and the hides the generals dressed in, like the uniform she was now permitted to wear on account of her station and proven battle prowess.

Looking around the room she saw no sign of Galmor and the Jarl's Throne stood empty at the hall's end. The only place it seemed logical for both of them to be was the war room they had erected beside the hall. Making her way up to the room she nodded kindly to the Jarl's Stewart and housecarl that sat, with others she did not recognize, eating. The Jarl's cook was extremely skilled and as a result many of the rebellions highest ranking members kept her busy in her kitchen.

The war room had no door only a large archway that Aisling reclined on and took in the scene. Galmor in his full general's regalia stood pouring over war maps that were marked with flags of Stromcloak blue and Imperial red. Despite their efforts over the previous months their blue flag had not dominated the map. The Imperials had dug into ancient forts and small town full of innocent people, while the Stormcloaks owed many holds the Imperials seemed to own just as many smaller strategic points. Aisling worried the war may never end.

To Galmor's left stood Ulfric Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm and leader of their rebellion. Ulfric seemed to be the very paragon of Nords in Skyrim. His squared solid features were Skyrim's mountains while his tawny golden hair its fields and warmer places. even the thick brogue he spoke reminded her of the fluidity of the ocean and the rumble of deep caves. She had known the Jarl all of his life, whether he knew it or not, and she was pleased to see the man he had become. She had yet to make up her mind on the man he had been, but felt his father would be proud of the leader he had made himself into. She watched the Jarl as her mind conflicted with her heart, she had loved him once long ago and she would die for him but after the last decade she decided she was unsure if she loved him now.

Standing she put extra pressure on the heels of her Officer's boots letting their echo announce her presence.

Both men raised their heads and Galmor waved her to them. "Aisling, good you're here."

"We've interrogated some of the surviving Imperials; it seems they tell stories about this Stormcloak Ice-maiden. You, Aisling, have become their new angel of death." Ulfric offered his face passive but there was a lit of approval and recognition in his voice. "You do your clan proud, Thane of Windhelm." Aisling bowed before they could see the discomfort on her face.

"Do you know of Fort Greenwall?" Galmor asked pointing to a flag of red on the map in front of them.

"It's small, dilapidated, and after all these years still a formidable fortress. If the Imperials are there it will take your best to liberate the fort from them." She said lowering her dark hood and freeing her red-gold braids down her shoulders.

"I'm glad you think so ." Galmor said smiling.

"This will be your command. I want you to take this fort, it is a two day ride. You leave tomorrow your brothers wait for you." She opened her mouth to protest but the Jarl leveled her with a stern, authoritative gaze. "Rest Shield-maiden, bring me this fort or die trying."

Aisling bowed to her Jarl. He had given her another chance to show her skills and she realized the opportunity to do just that. As she turned to leave met face-to-face with Ralof, another brother in the rebellion. She turned and nodded to Galmor before she left the room to speak with Ralof.

They walked toward to door together still in silence and Aisling could hear Galmor and Ulfric join the others at the table. "He does not mean you are expendable." Ralof finally said breaking the silence between them.

"I am," She countered simply her steps not faltering, "We all are."

Ralof stopped and gaped at her, "You can't mean that. You have lost the least soldiers of any of the generals, I know you value your troops."

Aisling stopped and turned to face him, "I have not been a general as long as the others and I value a_ll_ my brothers and sisters the same, from the Jarl to the recruits."

"I'm not so sure of that." Ralof accused

"What you _think_ you know is of little consequence to me." She began to walk again.

"Even if _know_ of you and the Jarl?" He asked briskly passing her by.

In a moment of rage, and to a lesser extent panic, she grabbed Ralof spinning him about to face her. "Be wary of what you speculate out loud soldier." She ground out between clenched teeth.

Aisling looked eye to eye with Ralof but in that moment he swore she took up more of the hall. Her muscles were ridged and her face contorted like he had never seen before. _This must be how she seems in battle. _Ralof was unsure of what she may have done had the Jarl and Galmor not been in the main hall. Aisling turned to look at them as well and Ralof took advantage of her distraction quickly slipping out of her grasp and the palace.

"Aisling," Ulfric called and she made her way up to the head of the room again.

"Yes my Jarl," She said dropping to one knee and bowing formally, so as to take time and regain her composure.

"I need you more rested than you appear. such displays,"he said motioning to the door where the incident with Ralof had just occurred, "such displays only harm our unity. I have no need for a general who will make mistakes."

"My Jarl-"Aisling began to defend herself but Ulfric held up a hand to silence her while he thought.

Something about her passion and her fire intrigued him and since it had been so long since such occurred to him. "Aisling I want you to go home to wash and dress then join us for the evening meal." of the few who remained in the hall, all turned to the Jarl in curious disbelief.

Aisling felt very uncomfortable in the spotlight and a bit like cornered prey. She had been enlisted and ranked long enough to know this was not a common request from the Jarl. "I am sorry Jarl Ulfric but no." She had set the room on it's ear, all heads turned to her and she scrambled for some justification other then her temper. "If you wish me to rest I should return home and do such. It has been a long journey to Windhelm." The Jarl nodded in the same majestic way he always did and Aisling took her leave and hurried as quickly as unnoticeable possible to the doors. Once free on the stares in side the Palace of Kings she made her way to the commerce section of town once again.

The blacksmith of Windhelm, Oengul War-Anvil, sat at his grinding wheel and repaired an expensive ebony longsword. "Hail my Thane! What can I do for you today?"

Aisling smiled, she enjoyed the blacksmith's company. He reminded her uncle, also dead long ago. She had missed so many passings whilst imprisoned. She was the last of her line and even then she was no longer to be that woman.

"Aisling? Is everything all right girl?" Oengul asked.

"Yes I'm sorry. I seemed to be lost in thought much of late. I was wondering if I could work your forge later this evening?" he raised a brow encouraging her to explain. "I came across some Orichalcum ore and I'd like to smelt it down and forge a new set of swords."

He laughed then and smiled warmly at her. "After all you've done for me, for all of us in fact it is the least I can do. You've made life better for many of us."

"I can't see that, I haven't been back for almost a year now." She said modestly.

"The army helps us and as our Thane you have brought change. Eorland would agree, he helped a good girl." Aisling's eyes grew frantic for a moment and she paled. "Don't worry my Thane. Your secret is safe."

"When did you know Oengul? Who told you?"

"Eorland sent a missive when he found you were joining to rebellion, so you would have a friend here. Your father would have been proud of you and all you've done."

"Of that I am unsure. I will return later after you've closed so as not to hinder your business."

"Very well I will keep her burning for you." - Smiled and turned his attentions to helping a Breton, Aisling took the chance to return home before she found any other trouble.

Hjerim was well warmed and the lamps burned invitingly when she arrived home for the second time. Inside Calder, her housecarl, busied himself with preparing the cooking hearth and abruptly came to her side when she entered. "My Thane why did you not send word ahead you were arriving today. I would have readied he house better..."

"Calder!" She stopped him. "Firstly the house is fine also if this is to be my home we must address a few things." He closed his mouth and listened to her. "Please do not dwell on the fact that I am Thane, if we are to live together let us be less formal while in _our_ home. Secondly I have brought venison and spiced mead for dinner." He nodded to her. "Now let us get me into a bath, I am filthy from the road and politics."

"Very well my Tha-," he paused for a moment and corrected, "Aisling, the large basin is on the second floor, once there we will start with your armor." Aisling nodded and made her way up the loft stairs.

Calder collected a dress for her and began to help her remove her armor. It was times like this she almost missed Lydia's mothering, almost. It took them a great deal of time to get her into the bath due to Calder's unnecessary modesty but once submerged in the warm water he returned to the kitchen and she could wash in peace.

When she was cleaned and redressed she began toward the stairs and the smell of roast venison and vegetables made her stomach tighten painfully with hunger. Downstairs the table was set with fine golden colored dishes she had retrieved from a Dwemer ruin and Calder was returning with the roasting pot. Aisling retrieved the mead from one of the cupboards and sat across from Calder.

They ate with polite conversation about Windhelm and Calder asked after the war front. With a meal heavy in her long empty stomach Aisling began to feel tired. "I must return to the Forge, I have ore to smelt and weapons to perfect." She said better to do it now before she became to tired.

"I will go with you in case of incidents. That way you need not change again." Calder offered.

"Very well, I think I should like the company." They cleared the table and Aisling retrieved her bag of ore. Orichalcum was expensive and she had been lucky to stumble upon a vein in her travels. The ore had been heavy but would be most excellent for making a pair of fine Orcish swords, Aisling had even learned a trick from Markarth's Orc blacksmith to make them exceptionally durable.

The forge area was empty and she set to work at the smelter. Within a few hours the first blade was shaped and tempered, with in a few more hours the second was also complete. With none of the incidents that Calder had feared they returned to Hjerim.

"I must rest some." Aisling said and Calder turned a concerned eye to her. "I must leave tomorrow and I still need to have these enchanted by the Jarl's mage." Moving sluggishly she made her way up the stairs and into her room. Closing the door behind her she stripped off her gown and crawled into the first real bed she had seen in months.

Morning comes early to a soldier on the last day of their leave and Aisling was no exception. She rose with the sun, after much of her own coaxing, and dawned her armor before collecting her pack and weapons. Calder stood by the door, travel food in hand, with a grim look on his face. "You wear that long face for me?" Aisling asked curious, "I've not died nor will I"

"I cannot help it. I worry is all my Thane. I like serving you."

"Well stop. I'll be back and have taken the Fort in no time. You'll see. As for you serving me," She smirked devilishly at him, "We will have to discuss that at a later time."

"Your bravado is not reassuring, even with your jokes." Calder chuckled slightly but leveled her a serious gaze. "Be careful."

"It is not bravado Calder, It is Faith. Have a little in me won't you?" She asked smiling sweetly.

"I will have to." he agree

Smiling Aisling clapped him on the shoulder and exited the house bound for the stables. In the early hour she had decided it was best not to pay the mage for enchantments until she had tested the blades. The stables were quiet given that many others had already made the journey to their camp outside Fort Greenwall. She checked the saddling and tack on her ebony and ivory gypsy before attaching her riding packs. Mounting up she turned the reluctant horse from it's bay and headed toward Fort Greenwall and the legion of her brothers and sisters she could very well be sending to their deaths. The idea weighed heavy on her and she pressed forward at a quick but maintainable pace.


	2. The Truth Behind Her Lies

Aisling arrived before the sun; the battle three days prior had been grueling and bloody but she had taken the fort and after Ulfric's comment concerning mistakes she felt it of the greatest importance that she be the one to deliver the news, personally. Her brothers and sisters would be at least a day behind her with wounded, she also wished to see healers ready for their arrival. _That would have to wait for tomorrow, I have a different mission, _ she thought as her hood fell back. Small solid snow crystals stung her checks as she rode against a harsh wind. The towers of the Palace of Kings came into sight and the city walls soon after, her resolve was given to urgency and she pushed the brown gypsy mount harder toward the sight.

The palace doors opened for her and she met the Jarl's steward in the receiving hall, "my Thane it is very late, what is the trouble?"

"Where is the Jarl?" she asked rushed.

"He sleeps but-" Aisling did not let the steward finish but instead let herself into the upper levels.

After so many stone stairs the bedchamber of the Jarl was simply more of the same. Approaching the Jarl's bed she had a thought against being close when she startled him awake. "My Jarl!" she called for half way across the room. When he did not stir she decided proximity was inevitable. She loosened the latch on her dagger sheath and approached him. She left one hand on her hip as she placed the other on the stone slab and spoke close to his ear. "Ulfric," she almost whispered.

In an expected moment he moved from the 'bed' and threw her to the ground, sword in hand by reflex. She had already foreseen this type of situation and stayed his blade with her own dagger. What she had not expected was to be laying on the floor of the Jarl's bedchamber beneath the Jarl himself. Her mind, ever it may betray her, was thinking of other things. She was stormed with thoughts and feelings, the most prominent however, was the feeling of the Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak's 'night gift' which came to reside against her inner thigh. They lay like that for a long moment; Confusion in his eyes and, as far as the Jarl knew, nothing in hers. When Ulfric stood and reached out his hand, she took it and stood sheathing her blade..

"Is there a reason you are in my quarters at such an hour?" he asked putting away his own sword.

"I wished to tell personally that we have taken Fort Greenwall, my Jarl." she said brushing dirty from her light armor.

"This could not wait?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"In truth it could have but after your remark concerning mistakes I felt it necessary to prove to you other wise." She said raising her hood.

The Jarl pinched the bridge of his nose. "I spoke out of something else that day. You have never made mistakes in our service. I had no right to say such," he paused for a breath and looked away, "or to demand your presence for supper."

For a moment she looked at him and didn't see the legendary warrior he was now but the boy he had been and more over the adolescent warrior she had betrayed by sacrificing herself. The uncomfortable eyes in the Jarl's face had not been seen in many years. Not since he was a fledgling and a band Redguards held a small group of Nord warriors, three to be exact, in a dark courtyard outside the home of an assassinated noble. The Redguard host threatened to kill them if they didn't answer their questions. The team remained silent and the guard commander killed their dark haired companion. Aisling panicked knowing they would kill them all. She confessed her involvement to them, her cold blue eyes sharp even in the sparse light. She stood straight and defiant as a pummel struck her and she groggily watched them drag her away, thankfully leaving Ulfric behind safely.

"I am sorry Elske," she said and turned to reach the door.

There was a moment when the Jarl cocked his head to the side but once that had passed he was beside the door roughly holding tightly to her right bicep. "What did you just say?" he asked shaking her slightly with his urgency.

"She turned to face away from him, "I said 'I'm sorry'"

"What else?"

"Elske..." She breathed disappointed by her slip-up.

He released her in awe. She stood there for a bit waiting and when he said nothing else she moved to leave. She made it through the door and had almost closed when she heard him speak a name she had not heard in many years. "Cacia." With the last dregs of her resolve she shut the door and sat before it wrecked with exhaustion and the weight of her only slip in two years of serving him. There she sat and rallied the last of her strength for the journey home.

Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak, who had been a precise and well thought leader, at that moment thought he stood alone in his quarters staring dumbly at his closed bedroom door. She he believe what his heart told him? How was it even possible? She was reported dead in the prisoner uprising. Was this a gift from Talos, a reward for fighting in his name? He was hesitant, maybe she had only known Acacia, been a friend to her. Either way he had not been called 'Elske' by any woman in almost ten years. He had only been a fledgling then, battle was all that had been on his mind. Not the value of one person's life, or the effect a woman's loving sacrifice could have. He had known she loved him and in his youth he had used that on occasion to steal bits of her virtue. He wondered at that moment if one could really steal something all but given. Pushing thoughts of who he had been away, he lay on his cold slab and looked up to the flags of Windhelm.

"Could it be her?" He voiced incredulously.

Angrily he growled at himself, he didn't have time for this he had an attack to wage on Solitude, this would be an unneeded distraction. He would be lying if he said it was unwanted, but his wants had never come before those of his people. Did they have to now? Aisling had just taken Fort Greenwall and that meant that his men would need time to heal and spend with their families, lest they forget why they all fight. He had time, he had plenty of time. First though he would need healers for his men and a full battle report. She could deliver it over dinner and maybe he could get some answers after. He stood and readied for the day, he now had much to do.

That afternoon she woke and opened her eyes sunlight blinding them from the open window. Calder was not a bed so she made her way downstairs to find him, and find him she did. He stood in the kitchen over the fire, raking the coals. He wore no armor but instead was dressed in miner's clothes, his shirt open and showing more of his broad chest than his steel armor had.

"Sorry Aisling, I have not armored yet. Would you like some dinner?"

"I am a bit hungry." She said smiling at him genuinely. "The steel armor must be quite heavy, you need not wear it inside if it is uncomfortable." she said sitting at a side table.

"I have no errands today, I might do just that." he said drying his sweaty hands. "What would you like to eat?"

"The stew smells wonderful. Will you eat with me?"

"I haven't eaten yet, it would be my pleasure. Shall we eat in here?"

"No I'd like to use the hall table, we use it so rarely."

"Perhaps if we had more guests." he suggested. Aisling only laughed and retrieved the place settings, before leaving to tend to the table.

The 'hall' was simply the large open room with the front door. she set the table before tucking into the back and retrieving some bright yellow dragon's tongue to place in the tabled center. Calder arrived with stew and bread when there was a knock on the door. Without thought of her station she opened it to find the Jarl standing on her steps with a pair of guards.

"My Jarl, how may I help you this afternoon?"

"We must speak ." Ulfric said flatly.

"Please enter then your guards may also-"

"They will stay by the door." The Jarl ordered.

"Very well, Calder another setting please." She requested as the Jarl entered.

"With all respect my Thane I will excuse myself and tend to your armor." Calder said moving quickly to the second floor.

Aisling watched him leave and was saddened by his stiff manor. "What is it Ulfric?" she asked with no ceremony after serving them.

"Who are you?" He asked simply.

"You should know that better than anyone, my Jarl ." She said forcing herself to eat, her appetite now lost.

"So it is you truly, Acacia?"

"Acacia is dead," She snapped painfully, " but I was once she..." she added regretfully

"How? I was told you were killed."

"Some of us that escaped were listed as killed because the shame granted for losing us was to much for them and their families, better to not admit we got free."

"So why not find me? You have heard about father than?"

"Yes I helped plan the riot so as to cover our escape after his death. When I arrived I did find you. I even enlisted in your little cause, you just didn't know it was me until last night. I was unaware that I was of any consequence to you."

"Damn it woman!" he struck the solid table and vibrated the dishes. Calder looked down the stairs sword at the ready should she need him. Aisling then realized she had no need for the weapon she had forgotten, and just looked at Ulfric like a mother unimpressed with his outbursts. "You could have had this from day one!"

"Now I've earned it! It isn't some pittance to the Jarl's ex-whore to keep her silent!" she stood and opened the door for him. "I'm sorry my Jarl, I must ask you to leave. I have things to attend to."

Calder had descended the stairs fully armored as the Jarl stood in the doorway and Aisling waved him away. "You were more," he said leaning close to her.

"You have no idea what you were." she replied looking up at him.

"Enough for you to bed and die for." He growled in his chest.

"Not enough to trust with the truth!" she spat in return, and Calder tensed drawing the Jarl's attention.

" I gave you him." Ulfric ground out, his eyes fixed to the housecarl.

"I earned his service, or does he irk you more because he is here and you think you should be?" she asked coldly.

"I will change your mind."

"Good luck my Jarl."she said motioning to the door . When she slammed it behind him she slumped into a high-backed, padded chair. Calder cautiously made his way to her. "I'm sorry my..." he stooped and looked at her blank stare. "Aisling," he said finally causing her to look at him. "If this is my doing, I apologize."

She looked at him and placed her hands on his face and just stared at him sadly, "You've done nothing wrong." She said leaning forward and quickly kissing him. "I however probably have." Aisling could not say what had come over her; whether it was the years alone or a well of many frustrations, it could have even just been that Calder had not turned away. Whatever the reason they both stood, lips again joined, and moved up the stairs to her bed chambers.

In the wake of it all armor was mixed with clothes and weapons around her spacious room and the Thane and her housecarl lay in a tangle of sweaty limbs and blankets. "I worry I may have endangered you." she said her head on his chest.

"I am no love struck fledgling," he said making her flinch. "I know what I've done," he kissed the top of her tousled hair, "and I'd do it again."

"While that my be I think I may need to bathe first." she said looking up from his bare chest with a satiated smirk.

"A bath it is then," Calder said starting to get out of bed but Aisling stilled him with a hand on his stomach.

"Perhaps some rest first?" When Calder raised a brow she eased him back on to the covers by his shoulder. Complying he pulled a blanket over them and drew her against his side.

"Aisling?" he said eyes closed, head back on the pillows.

"Hmm?" she replied reminded of how well her name fell from his lips.

"He called you 'Cacia'?" her old name sounded harsh with his brogue, but a new life should not hing on the old.

"I was once but she is dead now." Aisling said looking at her hands.

"Was she such a bad person?" he asked resting his head on hers again.

"No she simply made many bad choices." she replied placing her own head on his shoulder.

"A Jarl seems a fitting pair for any woman." he said pulling his head away and gazing out the window.

"He was just a man then, not even really..." She said curling against him, reaching up to his face, and turning him to look at her. "A man is more then a title." She dropped a feather light touch of lips to the center of his chest and lay her head there absently brushing her thumb back and forth across his abdomen.

"Will you tell me more about you and this other woman?" Calder asked running a hand up and down her arm.

"I was born Acacia Isolde Ice-Mane. The Ice-Mane clan had been warriors for more ages then anyone could remember, we were raised for it, now the Gray-manes and a scattered few are the only clans that even think of us. My father had been fiercely loyal to the previous Jarl Stormcloak, he had even been a general and trusted friend to Windhlem. So it was always presumed that once I became a Shield-maiden I would be wed to Ulfric, the Jarl's son. At first I was displeased by an arranged marriage, unofficial or otherwise. Ulfric was not the man he is today, he was a fledgling male warrior and all entails in all face of his life, but after a time I came to terms with the idea and even began to find reasons to like him, even love him." She sighed sadly and Calder moved his hand up to stroke her neck.

"We grew closer and even went on some missions together, not all of which Ulfric's pride enjoyed. On one such mission things took a foul turn and I sacrificed my freedom to save Ulfric's life. As a result I was held in a Redguard prison for three years before I received news that the previous Jarl, Ulfric's father had died. Unsure of Skyrim's condition I planned an escape with some others, during that escape many died but I had not, even if they had counted me amongst the dead. I took it as a sign I was to start over. I took the name Aisling and found a Kajit caravan headed to Skyrim that was in need of guards for the travel. I, as well s others, saw them safely to Whiterun and they paid me handsomely for my work, but there was little other work for me with out a proper name or family so I was sent to the Companions and Kodlak Whitemane . While there I met with Eorland Gray-mane, a long friend of my father's, and told him my tale. Having long known my family and what we suffered he aided me by giving me a place in the Grey-mane clan as a safe cover. In exchange I worked for him at the Skyforge for a year and when my year was up I moved to Markarth to find out more about the growing unrest in my home and the revolution turned war." Aisling fidgeted with the blankets not sure if she was a fool for telling this man so much.

"I found bounty work there but some was dangerous and I found it best to hire on a second for some jobs. I met the sell sword named Vorstag one night at the Silver-blood Inn." Aisling stopped for a moment and looked at Calder who seemed wrapped in her story, so she took it as leave to continue. "Vorstag and I spent much time traveling together and we grew fond of each others company, he had even stopped charging his usual fee. After a year together we traveled to Riften and were married at the Temple of Mara." Calder tensed then and Aisling placed her right hand on his chest. "Vorstag and I were married for four years before he was killed by Imperials. After that I spent much of a year wondering and doing many mercenary jobs against the Imperial Empire before I was caught, bound, and transported to Helgen with a group of Stormcloaks and Jarl Ulfric. A man named Ralof helped me escape the executioner's axe and the dragon that ravaged the village, he was also the one that pointed me to where I could find the rebellion and Ulfric again. Acacia Ice-Mane had been dead for close to eight years so Aisling Gray-mane enlisted and began to become the Stormcloak's Angel of Death. Over the next two years I rose through the ranks to not only be a general and valued warrior but also Thane of Widhelm. Now here I lay."

"Under the covers with you housecarl and the watchful eye of a scorned Jarl." Calder added lightly.

"Yes. What will you do now that you know my secrets? In truth no one outside this room knows the entire tale." She asked propping herself up to look him in the eyes.

"Nothing, you are what you are and if I have taken no liberties with another man's wife I see no reason to change things."

"Why did you leave when Ulfric arrived? You seem to hate him very much."

"My sister was In love with him when we were fledglings. She volunteered to work a mission and she was killed by Redguard patrolmen. Ulfric was the only one to return home." Aislings blood ran cold and her ears rang.

"Calder," she paused unsure of how to tell him but sure she should. "I'm sorry about Rostei." She said sliding from the blankets and retrieving a pouch from the chest at the end of the bed.

"I didn't tell you her name." he said suspiciously.

"No but I knew her. That was the mission that sent me to prison. She wanted you to have this." She said handing him Rostei's amulet of Dibella. "We exchanged amulets in case either of us didn't make it away. I was to give it to your mother but I found that she had died some years ago. The guilt has eaten me, it was my fault Rostei died. I'll say no more than that it was a warrior's death, she is in Sovngarde." Aisling hung her head in shame.

"I will still hate him. to ruin the lives of two beautiful women and not sacrifice himself honorably-"

"He was not the commander," she had cut him of but then hesitated not wishing to destroy the time they had just spent together. "I was, that was one reason Ulfric had been disappointed, to be on the mission with two women and not be in charge was unheard of to him. If I had spoken sooner I may have saved Rostei."

"But you've paid for that; in prison, even in the years since with the added guilt of an undelivered trinket. You have proven your honor." he stood from the bed; beautiful, naked, and as graceful as only a warrior could be, before approaching her and draping the Amulet of Dibella around her neck to rest on her exposed chest. "I want you to have this."

Aisling stared at the pendent for a moment while Calder took her hand and lead her to the bed. "But Calder..." Tears welled in her eyes.

He lay beside her and pulled her close, "Aisling, I forgive you." he whispered in her hair. His absolution eased a weight in her chest and she cried before falling asleep in his arms.


	3. A Forced Leave of Service

When the sun broke Aisling's day was one of duty, her rest now behind her for a bit. She wondered passively if Ulfric would be cruel to her now, at least that she would be able to relate to. He had always been cruel to her when they were younger, so in that light she was well practiced. Putting thoughts of the Jarl out of her mind she dressed in her general's attire and turned her mind to later in the day when she could truly be done with war for a time, while they regrouped for the next attack. Today though she would go shopping with Calder, the prospect excited her. She had been so long at war she had little want to shop and the like but Calder raised something in her,something warm and possibly even domestic.

Leaving the wealthier side of town she crossed into the graveyard on her way to the palace of kings. Stopping and looking at the stones around her she began to plan a trip to the Hall of the Dead in Markarth to speak with the fallen, it was a talent no one knew she had, better to be a dual-wielding master then to be a hated necromantic mage. When she reached the large brazer that stood before the Palace the two guards bowed to her, so she assumed she had not been discharged and entered the Jarl's hall.

Today the hall was silent and no onlookers ate at the table, instead the war council had convinced to hear her battle report. A modest group of healers stood near the doors ready to service their wounded. The Jarl Ulfric sat at the tables head, his face not betraying the events of the previous day. Her eyes met his and her's shown nothing of her day or, for that matter, night.

"Aisling Gray-Mane," The Jarl announced in an almost accusing tone, "this council has gathered to hear your report on the siege of Fort Greenwall."

She stood at her place, the table's foot, and looked around at the expectant faces before she began. "Jarl Ulfric, my generals, I am pleased to report we have successfully taken Fort Greenwall. We suffered many wounded and did experience some very unfortunate casualties, but all of the Imperial forces present at the fort were eradicated." She took a breath and assessed the faces around the hall table. They ranged from passive to profound but none held remorse for those they had lost. "Before my departure we had counted that twenty of my fifty men had suffered large, non-mortal wounds and ten of them had died. The remainder of our brothers are returning with those wounded for healing and those dead for burial."

"You're having them return with the dead?" One newly appointed general asked. "Will that not hinder their progress?"

"No more than the wounded," Aisling replied sarcastically. "Should they have let those breathing also?"

"Aisling!" Galmor bellowed. "Enough!"

"No! Our dead showed no less honor in battle than those blessed enough to survive it! I will not have our fallen soldiers rotting on a victorious field of battle, left there by us to be torn apart by all manner of scavengers! We must show our men that their involvement and sacrifice are not dismissed at their time of death! Do not their families deserve a body to entomb? Have they not lost much for our cause?" Her passion had swayed some but if she were to be punished for this it would be the Jarl's decision, and that concerned her far more than the opinion of the generals. "The forces needed to return regardless." She added lastly.

"She bares some truth; the families of Windhelm and others of our rebellion have sacrificed much to see us succeed, is closure for them such a poor choice?" Ralof asked the assembly, supporting Aisling.

"It is of little consequence," Ulfric muttered. "For the families of our people or not it is not the way in which we do things. We cannot unmake the decision now. Aisling for going against practice you will have a week long suspension of command during which you will have no sway in the council. You are Thane only for seven days hence. Leave we have business to conduct and your ban begins now.

She bowed looking disappointed and left the Palace of Kings, in truth he could have done much worse to her for disobeying their ways, he could have even pushed for it to be called treason. She shuddered and took the long way around Windhelm so she could pass the gate and make some inquiries before the guards heard of her suspension.

A small collective had gathered at the gate waiting for the arrival of the soldiers. She smiled to herself, Ulfric's punishment aside, she knew she had done the right thing. Her father had been right, she did make a fierce warrior and she was compassionate and loyal her her men and their families. "Any word on the return of my men?" she asked the gate commander.

"We received word they would be arriving by midday, sir."

"Very well see to it no harm comes to their families before they arrive. It will be a long difficult day for some." The Thane said placing a hand on the gate commander's shoulder.

"We'll do our best my Thane." He said quietly and respectfully. Aisling nodded and gave him a sad smile before returning back to her home.

Her travels however did not deliver her to her door step, they instead deposited her atop stairs that over looked the spattering of graves that sat at the near center of Windhelm. She sat over looking those stones, each a dull, snow covered monument to the foolishness of their oppressors. So many dead...so many parents, children, lovers...dead for the "glory of Talos". Aisling believed in their cause as much as any of the other warriors but it saddened her to see so many families lessened by their death toll. Many things occupied her mind as she sat in the cold on those frozen stones, so many things that she lost all account of the hour and became a prisoner of her own mind, reliving a great many things she wished not to.

The sun painted the sky when Calder finally came to find her. The day had passed quickly and she was surprised how long she had sat. She led Calder to the front gate where her troops had begun to enter the city. Quietly they stood off in the back to watch as everyone returned, living or dead. Many were taken directly to the local barracks to see healers but others came in and joyously found their families. The looks on the faces of the others she was over come by the feeling that, regardless of the punishment, she had done the right thing. While the faces of the dead's families were somber there was closure for them that may have otherwise not existed. For all the peace she may have brought those families, however, she still felt terrible pain that she could not have brought _all _of her men home alive. Calder took her by the hand and began to led her home but when she turned to accompany him she was halted by another had on her shoulder.

"Thank you my Thane for returning my son's body. It is nice to have something to send off to Talos." She stared up into the eyes of Oengul War-Anvil, her blacksmith and friend. His son Ingvar had grown up with her and her stomach sank at knowing his loss.

"Don't thank me Oengul. If I had been a better leader Ingvar would have walked home himself." She hung her head and looked at the street.

"You did the best you could, I am sure of it. We knew what we might be sacrificing for freedom , but you took a weighty risk by bringing him, and the others, home. I thank you, Aisling Gray-Mane, So will other families when the grief dulls." He placed a light kiss to her forehead. "Talos protect you, My Thane." Oengul walked away still strong in stature and proud of his family, but Aisling curled into Calder as the returned to Hjerim; ashamed of her failure and now in morning over her lost friends and soldiers. All the men and women in Windhelm she must have felt the most grief; While some families lost much, all the dead rested on her shoulders as she knew them all and had failed them all. To make it worse she had damaged her standing in the Stormcloaks' ranks, and for what? For her people to be in pain? This war was destroying them, all of them. Tamriel would never be the same once this age had passed. Would it be better? Aisling certainly hoped so but she was still very unsure.

The door to Hjerim seemed immovable when she arrived home. Her exhaustion; physical, mental, and emotional had drained her in just the walk across the graveyard. The whole town felt stagnant, the air seemed stale, and she could almost feel the weight of the guilt she had piled on to herself. Calder opened the door and took Aisling up to her room. she didn't speak as he helped her in to a blue gown and then in to bed. He sat beside her but she rolled on to her side, her back facing him.

"Aisling-"

"I don't want to hear it! I did this to this town! Never before has it felt so cold, so dead." Her voice quieted for the outburst. "I failed all of them...Maybe I shouldn't have returned the dead..."

"No I think you did the right thing. These families have bled much for Windhelm, they deserve some peace."

"What peace!?" She barked sitting up to face her Housecarl. "Tell me that! What peace have I brought these people by showing them the horrors of war? By bringing them home their dead sons and fathers? By scarring them with images of the true dead? They will have no rest for days or longer because of my damnable ideals!" She violently rolled back over dropping her body to the bed. "I don't expect you to understand, your not a soldier."

"No but my family was lost."

"And how much peace did your sister's necklace bring you? Even years after she was killed? It only opened a new wound and even _her_ death is at my feet, her blood on my hands even though it was another's sword that slew her?" She had still not looked at him.

"You must have lost more then just your story told, for you to be so bitter and so harsh on yourself."

"More then anyone could ever know." She said and pulled the blanket over herself.

Calder sighed in defeat, he tried hard to understand but he still felt she had done more good then harm. The downstairs was drab and cold and he turned to the hearth. Grief was a tiring thing, she would need to eat sometime and when she did he would have it ready...it was all he could do. There was a knock at the door and he moved slowly to answer it, the knock had come again before he could open the door.

Outside the Jarl Ulfric stood upon the steps, unaccompanied by his guards. "Where is she?" he asked once the door opened.

"She is not available." Calder stated coldly and protectively. "She does not need to see you right now."

"Since when, H_ousecarl, _do you believe you have a right to tell the Jarl what to do?" Ulfric asked trying to step passed Calder into the house.

Calder did not move. "Since you've done enough to her already and she needs her sleep. Ingvar War-Anvil was killed in the Fort Greenwall attack, she is mourning."

"War-Anvil? Shouldn't she have known who was amongst her dead?" Ulfric asked piously.

"She rushed here to tell _you_ about your victory. To call them her dead seems all to cruel as her dead are your dead as well. I digress, she needs sleep and we will have no visitors." _least of all you!_, Calder added in his own mind. He knew Ulfric's mannerisms would only deepen her self-loathing further. "Besides she was suspended from the war council, what other business would you have here..."

"Business that is none of your concern. Business a lowly Housecarl would not understand." The Jarl said stepping forward until her was abreast with Calder, but the Housecarl had not given up any of his ground.

"You would be surprised how much more he understand more then even a High-king. Leave!" Aisling announced from the stairs.

Calder was pleased she had come down but still did not allow Ulfric to pass. "You heard the Lady Thane."

Ulfric scoffed, "You have a most obedient dog _Lady_ Aisling, after the battle of Greenwall we need more men. He'll make a lovely addition." Turning to Calder he added, "Day after tomorrow you will report for military training."

"NO!" Aisling called and closed the room's distance quicker then Calder had ever seen. "He is needed here at least as long as I am present in Hjerim, it is his duty."

"How many duties does he preform I wonder?" Ufric sneered. "Very well but I will have him report the day of your reinstatement, no later. How much doe he know of you I wonder?"

"You 'wonder' much Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak. It causes me to 'wonder' just how much you truly know. As for Calder he knows as much of me as you ever have, more so even." Aisling stepped beside Calder blocking the door. The Jarl, obviously not pleased at being bested, turn and left quickly and angrily.

"One day he will kill me," Calder said reaching for the door to close it, "of that I have no doubts."

"He may have just done that. He'll not put you in my army and the other generals care not for how many casualties they have. I may have to put you in the ground sooner then we had think." She took in a deep breath and looked around outside to see if anyone had seen the altercation. There was no one around save for two women carrying large baskets toward her home.

"My Thane! "Called one as Aisling turned to close the door. Aisling stopped and turned back to the women whom had now reached her home. "We have brought you somethings."

"But why?"

"My husband is one of the other generals who was not at this mornings war council. He sent me with some gifts to show our support of your decision to return the dead. This is my sister she lost her daughter today she would also like to bring you something to thank you for returning her only child's body. She was not returned her husband's and thought she would have no body to entomb." The second woman nodded and looked tired and devastated.

Aisling stepped away from the door and allowed them to enter and deposit their burdens. "You didn't have to do this for me." Aisling said as the returned to her entry.

"We know it must have cost you much to defy years of tradition. We thank you My Thane." They saw themselves out and Aisling just stood there, face screwed into a look of confusion.

Calder walked over to her. "You made a good choice, My Aisling." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. "Would you like to go on a trip before we are rushed into Ulfric's service?"

"What did you have in mind?" She asked leaning on his shoulder.

"Wherever you would like us to go. As long as it isn't Solitude." He smiled down at her.

"Shall we go to Riften?" Calder looked down at her curiously. "You once said you would take no liberties with another man's wife..."

"Yes..."

Aisling looked at her hands wrung nervously against her stomach. "Would you like one of your own to take liberties with?" She looked quickly at his face but the was no sign of any emotion; No pleasure, disgust or even surprise. "I'm sorry...I just...just disregard it..." She turned away quickly, uncomfortable with her foolishness.

Calder grabbed her wrist and quickly turned her back to him, holding her to his chest and hugged her tightly. "Shall we leaving in the morning then?" Aisling smiled tentatively at him and nodded. "Then before we leave," He said tossing her playfully over his shoulder, "we will have tonight." He joked and Aisling laughed as her took her upstairs, Carrying her, still slung over his shoulder, like a sack of dry goods.

_Sorry this one is short, but I had to get something out for you guys. I needed to get out of Windhelm for a bit so it's off to Riften for our dear Ailsing and Calder's wedding. :)_


End file.
